Questions

You think you need something
you get it
And then you need another thing again
It goes on and on
Like a black spiral
You can’t stop
You are insatiable
You gorge, inhale, gather till your barns are overflowing
You stand, and look, and smile, with a satisfied air of pride
You acquire all your heart can think of
And then
Then…
Then….
You feel empty again.
Your barn’s full on the outside,
But you are empty on the inside
You grope and grope
You catch nothing
You surround yourself with people
Addictions, achievements, to feel something
But
You feel even emptier
Like a far stretched desert land
Why Man, oh Why???
What’s the purpose of gathering
When it does not fill that void, that deep, dark void
WHY????

EMENIKE CHINWENDU VICTORIA
© 2019

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Void

You think you need something
you get it
And then you need another thing again
It goes on and on
Like a black spiral
You can’t stop
You are insatiable
You gorge, inhale, gather till your barns are overflowing
You stand, and look, and smile, with a satisfied air of pride
You acquire all your heart can think of
And then
Then….
Then…..
You feel empty again.
Your barn’s full on the outside,
But you are empty on the inside
You grope and grope
You catch nothing
You surround yourself with people
Addictions, achievements, to feel something
But
You feel even emptier
Like a far stretched desert land
Why Man, oh Why???
What’s the purpose of gathering
When it does not fill that void, that deep, dark void
WHY????

EMENIKE CHINWENDU
© 2019

SUICIDE

I’ve written lots of things and deleted it,
I’m short of letters, talkless about words,
I’ve crumpled the pages of my notebooks,
written lots of doodles, smile at one minute,
And then cry at the next,
But now I’m just typing,

I smile at things that make me happy,
I frown at uncertainties,
Should I? Shouldn’t I? Can I? What if?
Questions…….
Afraid to take a decisive step,
I sit and sit,
Becoming a smiling mannequin,
For all and sundry,

I strive to make everyone smile,
All the time,
At the expense of my piece of mind,
Hey you, Be this……….
You there, Be that…….
Come on, I think you’re better this way……
On and on, they say,
Till my world spirals and gets sucked up in “voices”,

“Voices”,
Till I became dead to the VOICE,
Seriously, I can’t even hear HIM no more,
I’m at the end of the rope,
Teetering on the brink of sanity,
Toying with, no, relishing the thought of going over the edge,
Falling down, down, down and down,
Smiling at the very thought of it,
Dying,

Dying??
Why?
For whom?
To what end?
To punish who?
The voice said.
Myself, I reply.
Myself, for being a fool.
For hating myself.
For being a piece of dead leaf
Being tossed to and fro by the tumultuous wave.
For not loving myself., I answered,

And then what next, He asked?
That, I don’t have the answer to,
I’d be dead already,
Okay, you worthless piece,
Since that’s how you see yourself,
That’s what I’ll call you,
You were not put in the world to just breathe in its air,
Drink is water, eat it’s food, enjoy its holidays,
Spend its monies, and just give up like that,

You exist, you don’t just live,
Love yourself, not just others,
Don’t exchange peace of mind with piece of friends,
It ain’t worth it,
You are worth more,
Ah! So much more than rubies,
So much more than money,
Because of just one thing,
I love you!
So, get down from that cliff,
Sit down, breathe 3,2,1, there you are!
Stand up, dust your shoes,
The world is waiting for you!

Emenike Chinwendu

© 2018

WHY??

This is me
In you
Swimming around the enclosed space
Learning my surroundings
This is me
As i get to know you
Mother
As we get to share a body.
Mommy
I can’t wait
To share the world with you
To eat what you eat
To see what you see
I can’t wait
To show you ME
To be held by you
To give you that heartbreaking smile
Wow!
I have hands!
I can’t wait to explore the contour of your face
With them
I have legs!
Though tiny
I can’t wait to bring home trophies
Of different races
Yes, I’m learning
Learning to know happiness, sadness,
Learning to know the sound of your cry.
Though i wonder why you cry so much
You touch me and you cry
A cry of sadness.
Why?
Then i hear the voice
Telling you, “Don’t worry, it will be over soon”.
Mom don’t worry,
It’ll be over
Then we’ll be happy again
I’ll fill your world with joy
I’ll make you the happiest person
But mom, why are you still sad?
I now feel a little cold
I don’t know why.
Then i feel
As you open your legs
I feel the metal
Probing, probing, searching for me.
Mom, it’s not yet time!
Then the metal clamped on my right arm
And PULLED!!!!
The PAIN, the PAIN!!
The sharp, searing pain!!
Mom, what’s happening??!!!
My right arm is gone!
Mom!!
Why??
Why are you doing this??
I thought you loved me!
I promise I’d be good
I’d study hard
I won’t be a bother
Please just MAKE THIS STOP!!
AAARRGGHH!!!
My left arm!
My beautiful legs
My trophy legs!
My eyes!!!
Why, mother?
Why did you make me?
Just to throw me away
Just to deny me a chance of life?
Why?
As i breathe my last
The last thing on my mind
Is a question for you, mother.
WHY???

EMENIKE CHINWENDU VICTORIA

(c) 2018

Crossed Roads

So, here I am,  stuck on the cross

Paying the ultimate price for my wrong

Feeling my life seep slowly out of me

Looking down at my accusers, scorning me and my colleagues.

 

Well…

Colleague and one other man

Of  whom I know so little about

Of all the things I’ve heard,

It’s that he doesn’t deserve to be up here

 

Well, my colleague thinks otherwise

Since he’s been taunting and  mocking him,

“If you really are the Christ, then save us!” he says

“how can you say such, seeing we deserve to be here?” I answered.

 

However when I look at him

I felt an indescribable thing

So different from what I’ve felt since I made my first kill

 

I knew, I just knew he was going somewhere

Somewhere good.

So maybe, just maybe, I could go with him

So, I throw in me last bargaining chip

“Lord,  remember me when you come into your paradise”

 

Then he turned his eyes to me.

And I wondered, “how could someone in such amount of pain,

Much greater than the one I’m feeling, have such compassion?”

He says, ” I assure you,  today, you well be with me in paradise”

 

Then peace flooded my heart

I knew that for once in my wretched life

I’d finally done the right thing.

 

  • Emenike Chinwendu (2017)

#TheConversation

FOOTPRINTS

Dear reader, hold my hand
As we take a walk through time
Time immemorial, ages immortal
Up till today, ending in tomorrow.
Starting form the stone age, through the prehistoric period
Jumping to the Renaissance, colonisations,
Zooming off to the apartheid
–have you been observing?
What do you see?
Well, I’ll tell you my observations,
I’ve seen birth, growth, happiness, laughter
Sadness, disgrace, shame, pain, mourning,
Success, achievement, death.
From age to age, millennium to millennium
The same cycle goes on, birth to death.
Hmm— pretty drab, isn’t it?
Come closer, observe, it always ends with death
But there’s something else….. Footprints
Footprints in the sands of time
Made and stamped, by humans, not aliens
Boy, do they look pretty!
Know this- footprints in the sands of time
Are not made sitting down
If you want to be recognised, remembered,
You must learn to do this simple things
Do what you love, and love what you do
That does the trick.
Yeah, with God on your side too,
Else you’ll just become another boring story.
Strive, reader, strive to leave your stamp
And dear, make it indelible.
Emm okay, less talk, Godspeed.

COUCH POTATO

Day after day, I sit on the couch. My favorite place, and start watching. Hour after hour, I flip from channel to channel, I scroll with a smug on my face, I compare lives situations, circumstances, beginnings and endings. Of good people, bad, successful and the not. Creme de la creme, less priviledged ‘so cool! Ugh! Not cool!’, I say. Not realising, obviously I’m the worst. Unwatched, unlaughed at, even unfrowned at. Depend on what I’m given; smiling when smiled at, smiling when frowned at. My world full of plastic smiles. My future a gaping void, created by negligence, widened by overindulgence, and finally established by being a vision watcher- a couch potato. Then when life’s light goes off, my only memories will be fragments, of other people’s achievements. Then! I blame the couch! The economy! Every other thing! ….. Oh no! Can’t be my fault! Holding the candle for others, not lighting mine. When I wake from my terrible slumber, there’s already enough light, for all and sundry. As you percieve, they don’t need me. Such are the proceeds I get from trading my visions For a Couch!

WAR: OH! MY DARLING

As we sat eating peacefully at the table
I, my darling and my children
Kataboom! ketekete! came the sudden sound of gunfire
A peaceful moment was turned into chaos

At night we couldn’t stay there anymore
We packed our few belongings
And scrambled to the bush for safety
With my darling in tow

Suddenly I heard an anguished cry behind
I turned and saw my darling
Clutching his chest, his mouth spurting blood
by a ghastly wound made by a stray bullet

My sun went black, my moon wept blood
The clouds poured acid rain, as my darling said, “run”,
I left my darling, lyin gin the dust
Smiling sadly at me, before giving up the ghost

I stumbled blindly on, led by my distraught children
Tears blurring my view, sorrow clouding my reasoning
Till I could run no more, and we found a place of hiding
Far, Oh! so far away from my fallen darling

Nights later, when I crept out to get some supplies
I saw the infants, toddlers, young and old
kissing mother earth, sleeping to rise no more
My heart sank in utter despair

Stifling a sad cry, I strip them of their clothes
For my children – the dead won’t need clothes anyway
As I crept sadly back, since I couldn’t find food
My legs kicked a papery object, and I picked it up curiously

Laughing mirthlessly, seeing what it was
It can be used for fuel, if it can’t be eaten as food
I trudged on to refuge, safe in the arms of the bush
Since I couldn’t sleep, I sat up to read the queer book

I read of a supreme being called God, creating the world with words
“Surely, these people cant be serious. Unbelievable and far-fetched!”
I read of a God in form of a man (“really?”)
coming to die for mankind, sacrificing Himself

“Ha! This is ridiculous! how is it possible?”
However, as I read on, tears crept slowly out of my eyes
I read of His love, His compassion, of His sorrow and HIs temptation
of HIs battery and His crucifixion, and I felt my voice catch a little

Somewhere, somehow, like the dripping of dew,
Peace trickled slowly into my heart
clutching the book, I devoured more of its contents
to draw more peace-drops

Well, if Jesus actually did this, then I have hope to the extreme
That’s how He came into my life, after hours of reading the book
I gave my heart to Him, and my heart was set free from sorrow
My heart became clean, I felt alive, and felt happy! Yes!

I no more missed my darling so much
cos I have a new, most precious, darling
His name is Christ Jesus
Oh! my Darling

(I’ve got to introduce Him to my children right away!)

#bursting forth