I thought I had it all but no!

I did not have it all and truly it drove me crazy

I could write into the future

Yeah, like jump on my literary time-machine and write the future

Just like they do in the science fiction movies

I could write to describe how anxious people could be

How they loose their strength for the present, worrying about the future

How they ignorantly shift their sorrows into tomorrow

Their anxiety, their underlying curse

But the truth is we are not in the future

and the anxious one is me

 

So I decided to take care of my anxiety

But how am I supposed to treat this disease?

What should I do to restore my peace?

Would it be too weird to listen to the other me?

I mean the Holy Spirit, wouldn’t that be too crazy?

Truth is, as much as I say I need help from God,

As much as I cry out for Him to take control and deliver me

I just as much do not want to let go and let God

I do realize crying  never really heals

No amount of acknowledging my hurt sets me free

 

At the end of the day, it still depends on me

Or you, yes you

The you that won’t just accept the truth

The you that keeps thinking of what should have been

That you ought to surrender to Him

Yes, the solution lies in Him

The God in me, call Him Holy Spirit

But I must consciously let Him do His thing

Truth is, I don’t have an answer yet

As to how it will all turn out in the end

But I know God is ready for me, He is always ready

Always available to give me the peace I desire

I just hope I run to Him fast

Before I lose my mind and my way

I am still wrestling with the inner me

But I’ll keep running till I reach Him

‘Cos His hands are always outstretched to me

 

–Bunmi Atteh