“I could not do without thee”, said the priest.

The pianist proceeded with a familiar tune, the choir joined, and the rest of church sang along.

I could not do without Thee

O Savior of the lost,

Whose precious blood redeemed me

At such tremendous cost.

Thy righteousness, Thy pardon

Thy precious blood, must be

My only hope and comfort,

My glory and my plea.

As the first stanza went by, I couldn’t help but imagine the cost of my redemption. I tried to wrap my mind around what Jesus must have gone through for love.

A man had a lover who he gave up everything for, including his wealth and prestige. He gave her his attention and showered her with gifts. She lacked nothing but yet she wasn’t satisfied. She gave herself to riffraffs and vagabonds who had nothing to offer her. Her lover couldn’t give up on her despite her promiscuity. Life however caught up with her and she contracted HIV. She felt bad for herself and knew she deserved to die. She didn’t want to cause her lover more pain so she ran away but her lover went through thorns and pains until he found her. He said to her, ‘I don’t care about what you must have done. I still love you. I’ll transfuse your blood into mine and take yours. I’ll die of the HIV but I want you to live’. Shocked and guilt stricken, she told him she couldn’t accept such offer. ‘what if I go back to my old ways? I don’t trust myself. I’m sick of myself. I disgust myself’, she said. Her lover said to her, ‘my death would take care of it all’.

Isn’t it amazing? The story is unbelievable… I mean, it’s not even ordinarily possible. I heaved and shook my head to clear it as the church began the second stanza.

I could not do without Thee,

I cannot stand alone,

I have no strength or goodness,

No wisdom of my own;

But Thou, belovèd Savior,

Art all in all to me,

And weakness will be power

If I lean hard on Thee.

Another exciting thought hit me. And I thought…this could be it.

Melania Trump did nude photographs during her modeling days but she’s now America’s first lady. According to societal measure, she definitely doesn’t deserve to be the first lady of America but she is. Her past doesn’t matter anymore, just because she married to Trump. Her critics would still greet her as ‘Her excellency’, if they are ever opportuned to come before her. She has a covering and her prestige comes from association. Her weaknesses became power because she leaned hard to Trump.

Exactly how I’m a beneficiary to Christ’s sacrifice just by the reason of my belief in him. My husband is the King of kings…chew on that!

I could not do without Thee;

No other friend can read

The spirit’s strange deep longings,

Interpreting its need;

No human heart could enter

Each dim recess of mine,

And soothe, and hush, and calm it,

O blessèd Lord, but Thine.

The third stanza brought my consciousness back as I remembered “The lady, her lover and her Lord by T.D Jakes. There are issues and aches that rise up in me, that even I do not understand. So how do I explain it to anyone? Only my manufacturer, I imagine, can understand. T.D Jakes while trying to explain a lover’s role and Jesus’ role in a lady’s life said, “But, in the stillness of the night, when he has gone to sleep and there are pending issues on her mind, it is her Lord who works the night shift and watches over her in the dark. He is the one whom she can talk to when her words cannot describe what she is feeling. Her husband may understand what she says, but her lord understands what she feels”.

No human can enter the deepest and darkest part of my heart to soothe, hush and calm it. Only the Lord.

I could not do without Thee,

For years are fleeting fast,

And soon in solemn oneness

The river must be passed;

But Thou wilt never leave me,

And though the waves roll high,

I know Thou wilt be near me,

And whisper, “It is I”.

Finally the last stanza came and tears rolled down my cheeks. People have left me and I have left people. Some people left because they couldn’t cope with my excesses and I don’t blame them one bit. Others left because I couldn’t meet up with their standards. I don’t blame them either. I pushed some away and they left. I cried over some and still didn’t even notice some leave. Some didn’t leave by choice. They promised never to leave but death took them away and it’s sad that nobody has power over death. Through all these human helplessness and limitations, I found someone that come what may, will never leave. “And though the waves roll high, I know thou wilt be near me, and whisper, “it is I”.

The church chorused an “Amen”.

-ChyD