My life was never sure

I preferred to stay in the confined walls of my yesterdays because truly the echoing sounds of tomorrow scares me

There was no certainty; I lost some, I won some it has always been a gamble like running to book my ticket with “SURE BET” but ‘am certain we all know how dry the pocket gets when a single match burns the ticket and eyes gets all wet, well nobody is really sure now

Listen!

Because no matter the ingredient that your life has been missing I am sure we will find that ½ truth spoon full, 2 spoon full of grace, full cup of obedience; the recipe for living and thriving in this planet that was constructed without hands, pencils and rulers but from words that sound

That sound
was the alarm clock again, it was 5:01 in the morning and I was still drunk with last night’s wishes. I do not understand how it all took a wrong turn; my body felt like the house at the end of the street, the results I have seen so far from the notice board of my struggles has been nothing more than a constant; carry-overs, though I still seem to be catching fun but whenever the saws of reality stabbed me in the back my blood dripped constantly I was hoping for death but I kept surviving my every breath felt like a punishment for what I did last summer and every time I lay in bed it was another struggle for survival from an attack with no retreat my nights were always like it was spent on elm’s street “eyes wide open, tossing from side to side” so again, my only plea for a peaceful death in my sleep would not be granted as I am faced with another morning

That was when I drew a plan, since there was nothing else for me here I was going to get him to slay me

I’ll enter through the doors on pornography, rest in the parlour of masturbation, sleep in the… I mean slip in the bedroom of sex, incest, cheat and lie on that bed till the one they said ruled the universe takes my breath, now I felt satisfied with what looked like faking my own death

Do not look at me that way

Where was He when the enemy’s dart struck my family here?
Where was He when there was nothing to wear? No silverwares we were broke
Where was He when I lost my father to stroke?
Where is the one you call the living God when I was dead stuck in my tracks? Academics, relationships and it wasn’t like I didn’t pray
So now you know why i am attempting a kick on every available bucket waiting to pack up, that was me before

That was me before He spoke up and now I realised that all this while I couldn’t see him because I hadn’t turned my ways to see Him standing right behind me holding me up, hoping that one day I would take a step back and let Him take the lead (GRACE).

I was long in deceit, my feet hurt from dragging the weight of me through the distance and hating the only one that was on my side, I said I was long in this seat but now I am getting up from the complaints, I saw the pains I caused Him with my words and actions so ‘am pulling down this building plan I made on the wrong foundations, applied to disguise my face, like I didn’t care about anything or anyone, I said I have made a decision to go the distance and never give up, now I dare you to do the same

Go back; take another look at the man in the mirror,
I did once and all I could see was my sober reflection but now I sing a different song from His grace tunes playing on my head set, constantly renewing my used to be depraved mind with His word has got my mind set on the same peace He showed in the stormy boat so you know why He totally rocks my world
But that is not even the best part of taking the only risk I mean the only bet that was finally worth it and giving my life to Christ

It’s the fact that He got my hand set on doing things, this lazy pro in procrastination now speaking truths and redeeming things after getting a call from Jesus, I found my purpose in Him and I am no more anxious to receive a call to glory. I have a work to do, and it is not because I am forced but because I love this work so much, I said I love this walk so much, when I joined the flock it became easy, my feet no more hurt, I can now love;
Though the world might never understand where we are headed I do not hold it against them,

See

When anyone does not believe in you or gives up on you because they don’t understand your purpose and they abuse you just ignore them, you know someone once said that once purpose is not known abuse is inevitable, so?

But purpose can only become unreachable when I drug abuse myself, thoughts of ropes since I have no fans I would just end the controversy and hang myself, this is what happens when I, and not the world is the one who has given up on myself.

So you see why you just can’t?

Your lame excuses for remaining in that abyss is disgusting, you should pick up you mat I said pick up your math, calculate the distance travelled when the physician delved into the deep, travelling forth and back, fought the battle to bring you the victory that you didn’t deserve

I tell you, in Christ you can find the needs you have always searched for, for no prison can bar Jesus, so break forth

I say again, there is no better knowing your purpose than asking from Jesus

Now that we know, I expect every lame here to walk.

I think you don’t know who you really are
I mean you think you do but really you don’t.

Because you always change to become whatsoever the most charismatic, sweating, heart heaving, tongue speaking; preacher, evangelist, prophets and pastor. reading the bible and interpreting to-satisfy-my-own thoughts teacher says you are.

You know it is almost hilarious yet appalling that we will believe and live by everything everyone else says about us, except God

You will never amount to anything in life, you are a failure, you are ugly, dull like Barbie, self esteem estimated to be at zero, see! your mates dress and talk better, your life is a mess and you seem to be like a plucked leaf, bitter, just waiting to die; i mean you would have committed suicide if you didn’t see it as a straight bus ticket to hell, so now you make it spiritual and pray, Father please let Christ return and take me out of my misery (assassin?) what you don’t know is that Christ already came, died, resurrected and returned just so you can live your life in victory.

I am here to speak life into you and by the end of this spoken words I am certain that those fixed fingers of guilt, the high heels and desolate mountains, mascara, linings and creams of judgement confused for the truth that has been spoken before time will all vanish because despite your seeming rate of present lack, sicknesses, diseases, shortcomings, and all of life’s bruises, truth sent me to tell you that it was finished, and the devil is only making up excuses.

So do not believe any devil that talks down on you, or looks down on you, no matter how they dress, in what form they come, no matter your height, abilities or the scenes that have played in your life till now, dear, I have been there, I was lost, buried deep down like raw materials surrounded by darkness and despair but His pair of hands dug, found and re-fined me, and it was no coincidence or just pity but the Lord of lords got His hands dirty just so He could love me.

Don’t just take my words for it; search the scriptures to see how true this is.

You know Christians who think they are standing, I want you to listen carefully to this, we are procured to be the solution but it seems we have turned into a terminal illness, only constantly pushing up on people with our hasty judgement, no shade of love and now aggressive evangelism has become fulfilling all righteousness; you know “behold I stand at your door and knock” cos I am Jehovah’s witness; not realizing that the thief cometh to steal, kill and destroy was in reference to false prophets, so if you profess Christ and cause these little ones to be offended, you are a wolf in sheep’s clothing for that was what Christ said.

Please let them know how much Love needs them that He came to become part of them and let them understand that He is not waiting to slay them and He will forgive them and He took those thorns, whipped, beaten and broken, signed and sealed it with His blood to conceal them in Him and I am a living proof, moreover if Christ advised us against divorce, then there is a reason He made His bride you.

So sailing for long on the trials and temptations of this world shouldn’t make you want to spend the rest of your life at sea, even when I was the reason for my own destruction, tried to outsmart the greatest creator, fled to Tarshish from His presence; I started drowning, needed glasses cos I couldn’t see clearly, but as I fixed my sight back on Him, He held me up in His arms, made me walk on stormy waters, took me back to His sheep and I sailed in fellowship with the master to dry lands and then i realized my Lord didn’t have to calm the storms, all He had to calm was me.

Jesus took the sins of the whole word on his back and still schooled the devil, and after proving He was the master, He gave him a PHD, you know ‘permanent head damage’ so when this amnesia patient with his temporary memory loss seems to forget that you have been completely delivered it is your duty to call to his remembrance your salvation, the number is JESUS.
Having overcome the waters and now knowing that lucy has lost his mind when he tries to take you back by the port remind him that you are not just visiting and you are a bonafide son of the kingdom, show him your passport, the proof of your marriage certificate that was stamped by the blood of Jesus.

I know what I am saying now will not exactly make logical sense to the Pharisees and Wise men, but if you can stupidly follow the stars to the manger, you will find that this one is fool proof.

So go out in victory, you were made in His image and when He said you are the lights of the world, He meant for you to go in and love them with the word and then I can promise, the revival we all seek will surface and we all will be overwhelmed by the experience, for even worship songs at TBS will not equal the grace that will be released for you to handle or the glory that will follow when you realize how much was paid for your candles. Do not leave your lamp stand; never go off again, till this world is blown apart for our Husband.

So fellow lights, let’s bring an end to this darkness.

God bless you.

ucTRUTH