Despair is when I look at myself and I see nothing.
In the past few days, you see, I’ve been evaluating.
And I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s nothing good in me anymore.
Nothing good, just pitiful emptiness.
I’ve tried to search for the air I once had, the freedom that was once mine, and I’ve found none.
I’ve looked to find the friends I once had, the family that once believed in me, and I’ve found none.
It’s in these moments that I realize how slippery life can be when you start to lose it.
It’s in these moments also, that I have found hope, its meaning.
Hope is when I look at myself, and even though I do not see the admirable person I used to be, I see a better me emerging. I see one who won’t just be admired, but looked up to.
Hope is when I evaluate my life, its seeming emptiness, and still come to the conclusion that it is well.
Hope is when I believe for the best, in spite of myself.
Hope is when I trust in someone greater than my heart to save me.
Hope is when I trust in God.
Hope is when I cling to that part of me that refuses to give in, despite the naysayers in my head.
Hope is when I love myself, because I was created by a God who is called Love.
Hope is when I embrace myself, past and present, because I choose to believe that these work together for good, to give me a beautiful future.
– Ezenobi Ubamara