January 3, 2017.
Dear Future Husband,
You already know that I am really not that girl with that much of an Ado, but I still hope that this my pen loving thing finds you well.
I really enjoy writing to you. I really love talking to you a lot because I know that inasmuch as I love writing, I know that you are really faithfully reading every single stoke of my pen. I love the thought of it a lot because it reminds just how I feel, knowing that my Yeshua follows the periodic content of my little writing journal- you know, I really feel so safe and boundless whenever I spill my thoughts to that pretty book with my pen! Oh, I forgot to tell you how much I love really cute and functional stationeries, plus books with both nice smelling ideas and pages! LOL!
So I kind of think that Jesus takes daily peeks into my lil journal because I write just plenty, I also think that he laughs at some of the things I write in it, most def! I know that He usually looks forward to the next thing my mind wants to spill in that journal (some are actually as weird as the word weird) just as much as I know that you are always very keen on reading not only my words but mainly, getting the very WORD of every single one of my letters.
Honestly, I hope that my letters are really not prompting you go to after me. I feel that somehow, you might be thinking that you’ve found me, and that you might be probably wanting to talk to me about us. Nevertheless, I’d really be grateful to you, if you really decide to slow down your moves. Please my Lord, I really want you to take things about us very easy, and also not forget to talk to Father about me first before telling me a thing. You know, I fill His ears with a lot of words about you. If you must do anything about these letters, then I suggest you pray about them, since I know that you must have been reading them over and over. You may think that you have found me but I also think that you might want to pray about the word of this letters in the Spirit, while you diligently flow with the vibrations from your heart. Just like I have always told you, flow with the sincere leadings of your heart, even as I give you a few exposé that might be of some help to you.
First, please my Lord, you have to be careful about picking up tips from the numerous ‘boy-meet-girl’ things flying about online. I know about a handful of them already, and sadly enough, none of them ever appeared to appeal to me. So the rule-of-thumb, (if there are any rules at all) would be ‘listen to your heart’ because there are very few traditional things about me.
For instance, I have very weird opinions about dating and courtship, especially since I find contemporary ideas to be both contradictory, selfish and manipulative most of the time. For instance, saying A while meaning B simply because you want to induce someone you said you love to do C! For me that is a big fat self-seeking joke. And sadly enough, there are very limited scriptural helps, but I’ve formed my own weird opinions in my little mind, anyways.
I don’t think it’s bad for God’s children to date, but you know dating means a lot of things to all the different 6 billion people on earth. I really do not have any views as to how good, or how bad dating is, okay? But if I were very honest with you, I’d simply tell you that the very word of it sounds too confining to me!
Dating makes me really mentally confined, maybe because I have never dated any of God’s sons before. I am not in the least scared of heart breaks as I see is the worst thing that can happen when things go sour. I am not averse to the dating thing because of heart breaks for although I have ‘dated’ a number of ‘unbelieving’ guys, when I didn’t know my left from my right, Father made sure that these men with the ‘crude and cruel’ nature, handled me almost with a holy fear. So in other words, I don’t know what a heart break feels like, in short I have never tasted it!
Men generally have been good to me because Father made them to, but God knows that the thought of them hovering over me like I was their property, really freaked me out big time, and that is one of the reasons I believe, why I somehow could not stay in a dating relationship. It might be different with you maybe, but I still do not think I love being any guy’s girlfriend exclusively.
For me, I feel that the boyfriend-girlfriend thing is just a commitment made too early. So I think that dating you would choke both you and myself, because I really cannot understand the places of the commitments you’d be making to me when you call me your girlfriend, and the one you’d be making to me when you decide to slip that solitaire on my left mid finger.
So I just think you should be a little careful about getting committed to me long before you are actually ready for a true commitment, because you don’t have to. I mean, if I had to be your girlfriend, and you my boyfriend, then we are trying to create a label that gives us enough room to change our minds, aka break up, right? If that be the case, then there wasn’t any basic commitment, so why create something that flimsy in the first place? Why not we take our time until we are sure we really want to be truly committed aka engaged. That way we’d be sure and ready with no nagging flimsy commitment that can be tossed to the garbage anytime. I am saying this because I have found out over the years that for some reason, I am a big professional at disposing ‘boyfriends’ and feeling sorry for them latter, yet I’d feel too happy to be free of them to even entertain any touchy feely talk from them, no matter how sorry I feel for breaking up with them for apparently no ‘good’ reasons.
Moreover, if we can change our minds latter, why create in the first place, a relationship scenario that doesn’t give us enough license to be as ‘special’ as we want to, to as many people as we fancied, without feeling like we owe each other any lame loyalty. I am sorry to be calling such loyalty lame, but what can I say when the commitment was created by some flimsy promise?
Also, I don’t want you to put yourself in any situation where I’d be mounting pressure on you without even knowing it myself. Take for instance that you commit yourself to me with the flimsy boyfriend promise, and somehow you weren’t ready to walk me down the aisle yet, and for some reason, I find myself being pressured by a ticking biological clock, or by my well-meaning family, or even by some rebellious hormones; do you think it would be fair and unselfish, if I started using the energy from my pressures, to make up stories like a lot of good girls do, about ‘ the suitors’ that asked for their hand in marriage, only in their head, and should in case there was a real suitor actually, I start to magnify and amplify it till you become really PRESSURED! Even if you say that you don’t mind, well I do mind, because I really do MIND!
Again, even if I were so controlled as to not bother you with those manipulative fictions, I’d really not want you to feel obligated to marry me. I’d hate it a lot! I’d not like it, if you are 100% percent sure that I’d give you a ‘YES’ when you came proposing. I’d detest it, if you didn’t even realize that when you asked me to marry you, you were subconsciously thinking that you were either doing me a favor or even rewarding me for being a good and patient ‘waitress’. I’d also hate it, if you thought that I was anticipating your ‘solitaire’. Listen I would never like it if you are not 85% or less sure that I’d say ‘YES’ to you, okay?
I want you to be free to be ‘special’ with all your sisters as much as you want to, the same way that I’d love to be free from you feeling like I am yours because of a mere flimsy promise.
God knows that I have a lot of brothers that I fancy more than a lot, but I know that as forever as you remain Spirit living, I’d never flirt with any one of them. I’d enjoy their giftings, and friends just as I’d enjoy every bit of you.
Listen, I know I couldn’t ever be able to get enough of you, but I still wouldn’t want you to be certain about my reply to you. You know, I have observed that such certainties have robbed myriads of noble men of their proposal courtesy and manners at the very point where they were proposing to the very woman of their dreams. So sad.
Your own Very,