My life was never sure

I preferred to stay in the confined walls of my yesterdays because truly the echoing sounds of tomorrow scares me

There was no certainty; I lost some, I won some it has always been a gamble like running to book my ticket with “SURE BET” but ‘am certain we all know how dry the pocket gets when a single match burns the ticket and eyes gets all wet, well nobody is really sure now

Listen!

Because no matter the ingredient that your life has been missing I am sure we will find that ½ truth spoon full, 2 spoon full of grace, full cup of obedience; the recipe for living and thriving in this planet that was constructed without hands, pencils and rulers but from words that sound

That sound
was the alarm clock again, it was 5:01 in the morning and I was still drunk with last night’s wishes. I do not understand how it all took a wrong turn; my body felt like the house at the end of the street, the results I have seen so far from the notice board of my struggles has been nothing more than a constant; carry-overs, though I still seem to be catching fun but whenever the saws of reality stabbed me in the back my blood dripped constantly I was hoping for death but I kept surviving my every breath felt like a punishment for what I did last summer and every time I lay in bed it was another struggle for survival from an attack with no retreat my nights were always like it was spent on elm’s street “eyes wide open, tossing from side to side” so again, my only plea for a peaceful death in my sleep would not be granted as I am faced with another morning

That was when I drew a plan, since there was nothing else for me here I was going to get him to slay me

I’ll enter through the doors on pornography, rest in the parlour of masturbation, sleep in the… I mean slip in the bedroom of sex, incest, cheat and lie on that bed till the one they said ruled the universe takes my breath, now I felt satisfied with what looked like faking my own death

Do not look at me that way

Where was He when the enemy’s dart struck my family here?
Where was He when there was nothing to wear? No silverwares we were broke
Where was He when I lost my father to stroke?
Where is the one you call the living God when I was dead stuck in my tracks? Academics, relationships and it wasn’t like I didn’t pray
So now you know why i am attempting a kick on every available bucket waiting to pack up, that was me before

That was me before He spoke up and now I realised that all this while I couldn’t see him because I hadn’t turned my ways to see Him standing right behind me holding me up, hoping that one day I would take a step back and let Him take the lead (GRACE).

I was long in deceit, my feet hurt from dragging the weight of me through the distance and hating the only one that was on my side, I said I was long in this seat but now I am getting up from the complaints, I saw the pains I caused Him with my words and actions so ‘am pulling down this building plan I made on the wrong foundations, applied to disguise my face, like I didn’t care about anything or anyone, I said I have made a decision to go the distance and never give up, now I dare you to do the same

Go back; take another look at the man in the mirror,
I did once and all I could see was my sober reflection but now I sing a different song from His grace tunes playing on my head set, constantly renewing my used to be depraved mind with His word has got my mind set on the same peace He showed in the stormy boat so you know why He totally rocks my world
But that is not even the best part of taking the only risk I mean the only bet that was finally worth it and giving my life to Christ

It’s the fact that He got my hand set on doing things, this lazy pro in procrastination now speaking truths and redeeming things after getting a call from Jesus, I found my purpose in Him and I am no more anxious to receive a call to glory. I have a work to do, and it is not because I am forced but because I love this work so much, I said I love this walk so much, when I joined the flock it became easy, my feet no more hurt, I can now love;
Though the world might never understand where we are headed I do not hold it against them,

See

When anyone does not believe in you or gives up on you because they don’t understand your purpose and they abuse you just ignore them, you know someone once said that once purpose is not known abuse is inevitable, so?

But purpose can only become unreachable when I drug abuse myself, thoughts of ropes since I have no fans I would just end the controversy and hang myself, this is what happens when I, and not the world is the one who has given up on myself.

So you see why you just can’t?

Your lame excuses for remaining in that abyss is disgusting, you should pick up you mat I said pick up your math, calculate the distance travelled when the physician delved into the deep, travelling forth and back, fought the battle to bring you the victory that you didn’t deserve

I tell you, in Christ you can find the needs you have always searched for, for no prison can bar Jesus, so break forth

I say again, there is no better knowing your purpose than asking from Jesus

Now that we know, I expect every lame here to walk.