FADE

Spotlight’s on me
I look around
Hoping these eyes
Aren’t staring at me
Suddenly the dress
Mum picked out
Doesn’t feel that
Glamorous anymore
The flowers in my hair
Are falling off, dying
The petals crumble
Colours; white, gold, purple
Slowly fading
No one’s staring anymore
I’m forgotten
But the spotlight’s still on me
I run but the light follows me
I stop and scream
– Let me go! –
I hold up the dress but
It’s in flames
From the hem up,
It turns to ashes
I run into the bathroom
– This is a nightmare –

IfiokAbasi Okop
© 2019

FADE

Spotlight’s on me
I look around
Hoping these eyes
Aren’t staring at me
Suddenly the dress
Mum picked out
Doesn’t feel that
Glamorous anymore
The flowers in my hair
Are falling off, dying
The petals crumble
Colors; white, gold, purple
Slowly fading
No one’s staring anymore
I’m forgotten
But the spotlight’s still on me
I run but the light follows me
I stop and scream
– Let me go! –
I hold up the dress but
It’s in flames
From the hem up,
It turns to ashes
I run into the bathroom
– This is a nightmare –

IfiokAbasi Okop
© 2019

Numb

There is a numbness in my head
A searing pain that threatens to strip me of my sanity
And blur my senses of whatever hold on life they have left
So much that my hands cannot thump my chest
Cannot allow me to say it is alright and that I have help within
Groaning out to remind me of who I am and why there’s life in me, but I scream

The numb becomes a pain that only allows me see the trauma
And bitterness and anger I carried for so long
That I could not forgive myself because of
And has now taken control of who I am
The numb has spread to my fingers
I cannot touch my face, to feel the life that lives in me
Cannot feel the warmth on my skin
The blood that flows through my veins

I stagger backwards and I feel a panic rising in my chest
Up to my windpipe threatening to come out through my mouth and when it does
I gasp for air, for a breath
I steady myself by a wall and with wide eyes I take deep breaths
Swallowing as much as I can force down then the tears come
Willingly, patiently, next they become sobs, loud
Choking sobs and in that moment I feel the life seep out of me
Slowly, without a fight and my legs, weak, throb
Throb so bad I can no longer stand so I slide down while hugging myself

It is not going to be alright
It won’t be alright until I see the help right within me
Silently saying ‘it’s okay’ all the while I was fighting with myself
Telling me to stop and allow him fight because my defenses are down
With the numbness and pain
But I could not see it because I took my eyes off him and focused on me
My pain, my panic, my hurt and so it’s not going to be alright
Until I stop fighting alone

IFIOKABASI OKOP
© 2019

So much to see

I’m so excited, it’s finally summer,
It’s finally time we would travel in the family hummer,
It’s finally time we would fly to a different happening corner,
My joy is so tensed, I actually feel like a Bahamas runner,
Am so happy, we are finally on the Bahamas journey.

My family is happy and free,
We are actually a family of three,
My father a father, my mother his helper, and I am actually three.
My daddy says, son there is so much to see,
The people, the children, the dolphins and also the sea.

So now we are taking our flight over the sea,
I looked through the window, there is very little I can actually see,
Everything down there is just as tiny as me,
I wonder really, Why are those large ships just as little as me.

Now, I have finished my first class tea,
My comfortable couch allows me to be very very free,
I sit back, relax and fill my mind with thoughts of how everything would turn out to be,
I am so excited, but eventually I fall asleep.

I am violently jerked out of my sleep,
Mommy and daddy are seriously praying beside me,
Mommy quickly notices the confusion written all over me,
Sweedy everything is going to be OK, just pray with your daddy and me,
The pilot says, there is a problem we cannot see,
He said the plane is not functioning as it was programmed to be,
He is obviously struggling to land the plane expertly with the help of his team,
Mummy says, sweedy, the true pilot is not him,”
Let’s together pray to the king of kings.
I cover my face with my hands and say ” God, mommy said you are the pilot of this trip, you know I am so excited about the many things I would soon see, you remember I just dreamed about the Bahamas and it’s sea, so God grant safety to mommy, daddy and me.”

After my prayer, I think I fell asleep, the next I woke up, mommy was smiling at me,
The pilot announced, ” the runway is finally free”
In a moment the plane is finally still,
I look up and catch daddy smiling at me,
He says “hurry son, there is so much to see”

Now daddy is driving us to where we would live,
The sky is filled with tall beautiful trees,
We have finally gotten to where we would be,
Everybody is unpacking and settling in,
While I just enjoy the scene playing before me.

After some time, we all went on our knees,
But before we prayed, I say, ” daddy I think God answered me”.
Then daddy said “what did you ask him”
I said, I ask God for safety for him, mommy and me.
What he replied further inspired me,
I didn’t know God died because he was in love with me,
Please remember I am just only three.

Finally it’s time to see the sea,
Daddy said “son the beach is not far away from here”
Am excited, finally daddy and mommy will play the sand with me.
We finally here,
And Even though our resort is very visible from here,
It felt like coming to the beach made forever near.

I am a child, so I am running everywhere ,
Careful sweedy, careful, mommy shouts from sitting within a chair,
All I say is, mommy come let’s play,
Mommy hurry, Let’s build our castle here,
She smiles and says “son I think the sand is wetter over there”

The evening is finally winning,
The stupid time is constantly spinning,
My Nigerian castle needs it’s final trimming,
But the sea waves think my castle is very appealing,
In a moment am crying, screaming and also wailing.

My daddy hurries over to me and helps me scream at the oceans doing.
Then he tells me, that’s how many Christians are living,
Their lives, God is constructing and building,
Then just before trimming, sin seems very appealing,
And then, He has to start from the very beginning.

What he says, has little meaning,
I stop crying and start rebuilding.
After some time, daddy says;
” son it is evening,
I feel we should all soon be leaving,
Do not ever forget that everything has its own timing,
So today you cannot get to finish this building. “

I stand up and go after the sea that is running,
I hit it with both hands and feet,
” why didn’t you let me finish what I was building”

So that’s why Jesus also came in,
He had to set us free from constantly sinning,
Remember that God is totally emotional about finishing his building,
Because you are his building.

So be like my child, kick against sinning,
Accept Jesus, his mission is redeeming.
But I have to leave,
It’s finally evening.
I have to pick up my son before the sea would overwhelm him,
Don’t let sin overwhelm you.

Look daddy, daddy look,
I think I can see the end of the sky and the sea,
I shake my head, his knowledge is just as little as he,
If only he could actually see,
If only he could actually be like me.

So dear Christian, be like me,
I hope your knowledge is not as little as he,
I hope you can actually see like me,
Because the sky and sea is much bigger than what we can actually see.
Don’t forget to note that the sky is the blessings from Him,
I hope you know there is so much to Him,
His love, kindness, mercy, and grace are all also so free,
So my dear,
Read you Bible and pray to Him,
There is so much to see.

NationalPoet
© 2018

GRACE PETAL

He is a flower of love, I’m a petal of grace.
Race me to the hour, pedal my race.
Resonate my soul to your orbit.
Traded pains… Salvation was the profit.

Drain my sins into the ocean of flames.
’cause names run off the book of life, feels like an erosion of names.
My veins were overflowing with lament.
But you made it all ferment, now my joy clouds the firmament.

My heart feels like a beating lake
’cause no emotion flows.
This vacuum you filled… I will scream till even a dumb fish in the ocean knows.
Soul once felt like a vault of darkness.
My days were spiced with the salt of sadness.

I stepped on thorns and you turn them into rose petals.
You take the drive out of my foe’s pedals.
On raging waters you left your footprint.
Your infinite love is a blueprint.

Kruise
© 2018