…and just again I was disappointed. It felt like I slept through the journey and just when I thought I had landed, my hopes got crashed.
He, Mr Law, was really cool, even cooler you could chill drinks in him. He promised me satisfaction if I’ll continually obey. I could almost swear I had this locked in with a B and K because I was all ready to do what he wanted.
I gave in. Like a skin to a boil, I gave in for a swell time of my life.

I wanted to please him and earn his love and trust. But sooner than later, the usual dreaded realization dawned and I prayed to race out for it was all empty and void.
Worse still each try left me feeling so incompetent. He even made me see that it’s all my fault, all the time.
Maybe, I gotta get up and try and try and try…quitters never quit yea? 

I’ve tried many times but it just doesn’t seem to work.
Something tells me that there must be someone, yes that one guy…that guy that loves completely.

But where is he?

My Soul longs to see 

With him I crave to be

Maybe he exists only in my fantasy. 
Even if he does exist, how much longer should I wait?

How much more time do I have to spare?

“A woman’s time flies…” or so they say;

I hope I’ll still be in mine when he calls.
I am really tired of testing and trying, tasting and spitting out.

My soul gets parched each time I do.

I just hope I’ll still be in my time when he calls.
Still lost in the noise of my very own thoughts, Which had long started to sound like music, I didn’t realize I had wandered off into the road I once denied.

A road so broad yet lacked space.
In this vagabond state, unable to discern what the morrow holds and barely caring what happens next, I heard my name.
I was stunned ‘cos never before had my name sounded such harmony.

T’was the most beautiful sound that has ever walked into my ears. 
This voice so gentle yet strong and firm called for me to exchange my burdens for rest but having wandered so long, it sounded too good for trust…and again I felt there ought to be a price for it. Nothing goes for nothing.
In my state of doubt still, the voice beckoned. It still sounded too easy, I couldn’t give into that. My old lovers weren’t that nice.
The sweet voice persisted and then my eyes opened and I saw a spark of light which flickered in front of me.
Nothing and nobody can be compared to the one I saw standing in front of me when my eyes fully opened.

His eyes held so much love that penetrated and irrigated my soul.

The intensity of his tenderness was unbearable so that I fell, yes, I fell into his strong arms where my safety rests assured.

My head rested on a heart that beats for me and I drowned in a satisfaction that has never been conceived by nature.
I couldn’t help but ask Mr Grace where he had been all this while. As he spoke to me I saw his love. A love that is not affected by my inconsistencies. I didn’t even have to work for it…it was free! I just accepted it and that’s all I ever did.
He found me!

And sorry I was not in my time, I was in His.
-HIS Ruth