“Why” was my question, ”nothing” was the reply
But my mortal eyes were signs of untold sly
Heartfelt sympathy filled my ears,
Streaming down my eyes exactly like tears
My fears deepened my smiles extinguished
For just like a troubled ship, my joy was sinking
I had a plight so great that my heart couldn’t take a fight
So tough, my strength couldn’t stand a river so torrid, I couldn’t cross
A pain so deep, I couldn’t bear
I could go on, but my tears wouldn’t stop
My mind became a room of questions, filled with lights of confusion
Oh! How I wished to cry the more,
For I couldn’t understand why a man should live as if he would never die
And die as if he never lived,
For this was the death of a mortal dad
I lived a life so good, at least to my understanding,
I was righteous; in my neighborhood, my life was seemingly perfect,
Don’t get me wrong, I am not self-righteous
All I’m saying is that I didn’t see this doom coming,
‘Cause I thought I was far from a sad ending
My story got worse when the money of a day was given to me for a month
I could only shake my head, wondering why poverty was close by,
Even when my efforts stood out
I wanted to pray, but my faith was weak
“Is God still on my side?”
“Does he still love me?” I would ask
“Life is unfair to me” I would say!
For I waited for help and found loneliness
I cried for assistance but recorded resistance,
Even my only sibling got to know the reality of being a dropout…
How sad! My life was becoming a theory of hardship,
Cause all was seemingly lost I only had a last hope
A hope that my being couldn’t appreciate
A hope my mind had swayed from; one that was once my first love
One that my heart now doubted
A true hope that couldn’t fail in reality
A hope called Jesus
My fears and burdens I began to cast on him,
‘Cause he said I should do so
I tried loving him again, but my guilt was there
It occurred to me I was selfish
I had no fruit of long suffering cause if he had behaved the way I did,
I doubt if I would even think of salvation
He paid the price for me without asking the question ”why”
I forgot he could change water into wine
Maybe that was why I couldn’t dine with his friendship
He was close by, but I was burden focused
He was comforting me, but I was fear conscious
Maybe that was the only way he could get my attention
By making me see him as my last option
I prayed for forgiveness because his light of righteousness exposed my selfishness
At last! My life turned better, even though I struggled
But I was now filled with love that made things easier
I became happier, but here is the lesson:
My joy should depend on my relationship with God and not on my earthly possessions cause he is a jealous god and he suffereth no rivals truthfully. My life will be better if only I pray harder, complain less and praise more, because God knows my entire mind became enlightened by the fact that he won’t work in my will unless he can only be there by himself
This truth I humbly accepted and moved forward cause he is just God in all the world.
