Numb

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There is a numbness in my head
A searing pain that threatens to strip me of my sanity
And blur my senses of whatever hold on life they have left
So much that my hands cannot thump my chest
Cannot allow me to say it is alright and that I have help within
Groaning out to remind me of who I am and why there’s life in me, but I scream

The numb becomes a pain that only allows me see the trauma
And bitterness and anger I carried for so long
That I could not forgive myself because of
And has now taken control of who I am
The numb has spread to my fingers
I cannot touch my face, to feel the life that lives in me
Cannot feel the warmth on my skin
The blood that flows through my veins

I stagger backwards and I feel a panic rising in my chest
Up to my windpipe threatening to come out through my mouth and when it does
I gasp for air, for a breath
I steady myself by a wall and with wide eyes I take deep breaths
Swallowing as much as I can force down then the tears come
Willingly, patiently, next they become sobs, loud
Choking sobs and in that moment I feel the life seep out of me
Slowly, without a fight and my legs, weak, throb
Throb so bad I can no longer stand so I slide down while hugging myself

It is not going to be alright
It won’t be alright until I see the help right within me
Silently saying ‘it’s okay’ all the while I was fighting with myself
Telling me to stop and allow him fight because my defenses are down
With the numbness and pain
But I could not see it because I took my eyes off him and focused on me
My pain, my panic, my hurt and so it’s not going to be alright
Until I stop fighting alone

IFIOKABASI OKOP
© 2019

GOD’S LETTER

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This love that leaves a bitter taste on my tongue
Is the sacrifice I promised I would have for you despite your flaws
You give me your heart in pieces
your brokenness is what I long for
the only thing I want from you

Mending is what I do with you
This process that shows you the love I hope you see
And I hope imprints on you
I do not give your heart back in pieces
I give you this new one, designed to be bound to me

Your gaze makes me feel like
I’m all there is in your heart
I tuck your hair behind your ear
Hold your hand, look at your face
I want you to follow me
I definitely have a lot to show you

IFIOKABASI OKOP
© 2019

A chip of ice- for mum

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Your teardrops would battle fiercely
From the corners of your eyes
They would force their way through
The rigid, unyielding valley of your eyelids
And when they fell
They would stab your cheeks, twist your nose
And sting the recesses of your jaw

Yet when they fell,
They were like the sudden rain that mocked the Sahara
Like the mango tree growing in the Arctic
They were a wonder, and so were you.
For you loved me
Like icy cold, angry waters hammering on rocks
Falling

From unbelievable heights, through the distance between us
Screaming, raging and filled with the frustration
That your decades had fed you
As you crisscrossed naked open seas, flogged by the sun
And through lush green forests
With dwindling mud tracks and filthy streams
Falling

Defying boulders and meanders that had beaten you into thin ice
And kept you on your tiptoes with your back bent
Trying to meet my needs
Through cold, dark nights when you slept
With the biting in your belly
With the uncertainty of worry
Yet you flowed, silent and rapid
Falling,

Through the secrets you swallowed as you went by
And the hurts which never made you cry
And the sorrows you fought to bring forth life
With a charming smile on your face.
You shamed the hardness
That shaped your life
And you crashed against my rocky heart
With the weight of ages of ice
You flogged me, you tore me, you tested me
In my blindness, you were my foe
But I have received the warmth sparked
By the slap of your coldness
And I have melted in love
Your love is hidden in my heart of ice

Ndubuisi Chioma J
© 2019

End of the tunnel

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Do you feel alone?
Zoned by doubt and fear, feel owned?
Praying for water to wash your stones?
Worry not! Your sins are atoned

Lost in this vast darkness?
Listen!!! HE says let there be light!
Why not re-invite to reignite your might
Let him cure your fright to catch your flight

She was made whole by HIS clothe
12 years!!! HE cured her flow
Defeated death by the touch of HIS hands
Sickness flees at HIS command

Are you at that crossroad?
The crossroad of giving up?
Why not cast your cares on HIM
Cos HE cares!

Olaoye Adeleye
© 2019

EVERYDAY JESUS FAITH SERIES (PART TWO)

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First, I would like to say that faith is a stand you are willing to take because you believe. Faith is a stand. I would also like to tell you that such a stand is worship. It is worship because worship is yielding to the voice of God. The Bible says:

“But without faith, it is impossible to please Him: for he that cometh to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him”.

Let me put this in my own words:

But without faith, it is impossible to entirely satisfy God because anyone that wants to worship God must believe that He exists and that He never misleads or disappoints them that act on the fact that He exists, those ones who listen to Him.

However, there are times when you’d be acting on the Word of God and His instruction and it would look as though you were silly or you find yourself beginning to doubt its authority. You might even be angry and offended in your spirit.

Let me show you how I have learned to stand by faith in the worship of the spirit God, Psalms 4 vs 4 & 5:

“Stand in awe, and sin not:

Commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still. Offer the sacrifices of righteousness, and put your trust in the LORD”- KJV.

In other words,

“Be angry, and do not sin;

Ponder in your hearts on your beds, and be silent, offer right sacrifices, and put your trust in the LORD”. ESV.

The right sacrifice is a stand of faith. Worship is trusting in the truth of God with one’s heart no matter what happens.

P.S. allow yourself some sleep if you have to, you’d feel better when you wake up.

©Favour Omeje